In This Family

Jason Tougaw on Finding Your Own Mental Stability When Your Family Didn’t Provide it

Content Warning: This episode mentions domestic abuse, substance abuse and suicide. 
Acclaimed writer and university professor Jason Tougaw has a very serene life now as an adult. He’s married, living in New York, and although he says he works too much, he finds time to reflect on a childhood that was much more chaotic. Jason’s family passed around a belief that something was wrong with their blood, which they cited to explain generations of eccentric and destructive behavior as well as chronic instability. As a kid, Jason lived in a school bus, lived with an abusive stepfather, lived with his grandmother for stretches of time, and tried to make sense of his homosexuality in an era where being gay definitely did not feel okay. But Jason paid attention to habits and ways of living that he didn’t wish to replicate, paths that could lead him to a better life, and to the healing power of New Wave music. It’s a fascinating conversation for anyone who has ever felt that their family of origin was their destiny and anyone who wanted to break patterns.

NPR’s Peter Sagal On Breaking Cycles and Learning From His Past

Content Warning: This episode discusses anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia.
 
On the radio as the witty host of NPR’s Wait Wait... Don’t Tell Me, Peter Sagal projects an upbeat and fun personality. But, as he shares with host Dr. Michelle K. Murray, it hasn’t always been that way. From being an anxious and depressed kid with undiagnosed ADHD to a downward spiral following the end of his first marriage, Peter struggled with mental health issues he never fully acknowledged or understood. When he did start to connect the dots and seek help, Peter was able to connect with his father and learn illuminating chapters and family history. And when he married again and began raising a second family, he was able to put an end to some of his own habits and some less than healthy inherited habits. It’s a side of Peter Sagal you probably haven’t heard before and you’ll be glad you listened.

A Helpful Message During Difficult Times

In This Family’s second season is just around the corner, coming to you on January 28th with a brand new set of moving and illuminating conversations about family and mental health. In the meantime, communities around the country are experiencing civil unrest in places like Minneapolis, where Nexus Family Healing is based, Portland, and many other cities. Host Dr. Michelle K. Murray offers some practical advice on taking care of yourself and your loved ones during these tumultuous events, including how to make a plan with your family and establishing rules and boundaries for activism and media consumption. We can’t make these challenges go away but we can offer you some guidance and ideas to take good care of your mind and family. 
 
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Ground News
5 Calls

Dessa on the Importance of Taking Care of Family, Body, Mind, and Curiosity

Content Warning: This episode discusses depression, anxiety, mood disorders, and suicide. 
Long before she was an acclaimed rapper, singer, and author, Dessa was a scared adolescent, facing big feelings that she didn’t know what to do with and running away from home. She eventually found peace with her parents and returned to them and the younger brother who needed her and loved her very much. Dessa tells us how family support and a curiosity about health and medicine have served her well, including when as a young adult she checked into an in-patient facility and received a diagnosis of cyclothymia, which she describes as a sort of “low-carb bipolar disorder”. She fills us in on how she’s managed that, how her family of origin has continued to lean on each other for support, and how she’s bringing her wisdom to a new relationship. 

Bill Corbett on Anxiety, Being a Son, Being a Dad, and How He’s Breaking Cycles

Content Warning: This episode discusses anxiety, addiction and suicide. 
Fans of the beloved cult TV hit Mystery Science Theater 3000 have enjoyed many laughs from actor and writer Bill Corbett, who played the acerbic robot Crow on the show. Bill’s off-screen life hasn’t always been quite so hilarious. In this candid interview, he talks about growing up in an era where mental health was never discussed, even though his father had all the hallmarks of an anxiety problem and there were massive alcohol problems on his mom’s side. Bill inherited both, thumbing through self-help books at age 14, desperate to shake off an anxiety that would hold on for decades. He shares the story of having a breakdown in New York City, convinced that earthquakes were imminent. He also tells of his heavy use of alcohol and cocaine and his path to a conscientious sobriety. And Bill discusses how he’s raising his own kids, meeting their mental health issues with openness and transparency and love. 

Clancy Martin Unlocked the Secret of How Not to Kill Himself

Content Warning: This episode discusses suicide, depression and schizophrenia.
Families can be loving, they can be problematic, and, above all, they can be complicated. Author and professor Clancy Martin’s family of origin was very complicated indeed, featuring a dashing, charismatic father who founded his own religion and also dealt with schizophrenia. The family was also faced with suicidality, including Clancy’s own wish to die at age three and multiple suicide attempts spanning most of his life. He tells host Dr. Michelle K. Murray about what a lifetime of trying to die feels like, about his own complex family, which features five children over the course of three marriages, and how just in the last few years he has managed to finally lose that urge to make the worst decision one can make. Talking about frightening mental health topics, as he did in his memoir, How Not To Kill Yourself, led him to not just shake that feeling but also led to helping others who are in danger, which helped Clancy even more. It’s an eye-opening episode, an episode that lets in a lot of sunlight, featuring a guest who once saw only darkness.

Dr. Michelle K. Murray on Managing the Anxiety and Stress of Holiday Gatherings

Family gatherings during the holidays are a time of connection and joy. They can also be a cause of anxiety or lead to triggering situations. 
In this special holiday episode of In This Family, Dr. Michelle K. Murray provides practical tips on thriving or maybe just surviving family events. She reminds us that we always have a choice on how we show up, if we show up, and when we leave. And how goals, boundaries, and a little preparation can create that holiday experience we desire. 

Sarah LaBrie’s Mom Had Severe Mental Illness So Sarah Had to Figure Out Her Past and Her Future

Content Warning: This episode discusses borderline personality disorder, delusions, psychosis and schizophrenia.
Sarah was having an ordinary day in her life as a writer living in Los Angeles when her phone rang. Her grandmother explained that Sarah’s mom had been picked up ranting and raving on the side of the freeway in Houston, where Sarah grew up. It was a shock but not a surprise for Sarah, who had already lived with her mother’s psychosis, schizophrenia, delusions for as long as she could remember, the occurrences getting more frequent as time went on. Fortunately, Sarah had wonderful loving care from her grandmother and her aunt who provided support and strategies for what Sarah was going through. Sarah, the author of the memoir No One Gets to Fall Apart, talks about conflicts with her mom from childhood through to Sarah’s successful career and marriage as an adult. She also shares how really studying and exploring the situation has helped her make connections between traumatic events and the ways both she and her mother shaped their lives as a result of that trauma. In the interview, Sarah mentions the book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship, which she found very helpful.

Comedian Maria Bamford Loved Her Parents, Learned From Them, Makes Fun of Them

Content Warning: This episode discusses suicide, anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and bipolar disorder. 
Maria Bamford’s parents, Joel and Marilyn, were not part of a generation that knew all the terminology and awareness of mental health that we have today. They couldn’t even identify their own difficulties as being indicative of mental health conditions. But they did try everything they could think of to help their daughter as she struggled through the years with intrusive thoughts, bipolar disorder type II, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Joel and Marilyn are no longer with us but Maria, now a renowned comedian, actor, and best-selling author, remembers them fondly for the effort they put in, the love they demonstrated, and the values they taught her having to do with building community, helping out your fellow human beings, and adapting a worldview when new information becomes available. Her folks were even good sports about Maria persistently including impressions of them in her standup work. Maria Bamford joins host Dr. Michelle K. Murray for an honest, funny, and loving look at how mental health worked in her family and what she’s carried on after they’ve gone.

Breaking the Silence on Mental Health While Keeping Cultural Identity with Vivien Lee

Content Warning: This episode discusses Depression, Anxiety, Rape, Sexual Assault, and Suicidal Ideation. 
Vivien Lee recalls the first inklings of an existential crisis when she was eight years old, a feeling she would eventually connect with depression. As she grew older, Vivien endured severe trauma, threatening her mental health even further. For Vivien, the oldest of several children in a family that was part of Minnesota’s Hmong community, there was nowhere to go to talk about her distress. According to Vivien, mental health was not something that was discussed in her family. She felt that disclosing anything to her parents would be a form of “talking back” and she feared punishment for that. For all of us, the environment a person is raised in, their culture, history, traditions, can all impact one’s wellbeing, sometimes through generations. As an adult, who recently earned a Master’s Degree in marriage and family therapy, Vivien has worked hard to preserve her Hmong identity for herself and her kids while also establishing an openness and honesty that eluded her as a kid.
 
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Sexual Abuse
Help And Healing Hotline
What Are the Signs of Child Sexual Abuse
National Center for PTSD: Child Sexual Abuse
Culture and Mental Health
Social, cultural, and other diversity issues in the traumatic stress field
Culture and Trauma
The Influence of Culture and Society on Mental Health